Tales of a Taxi Driver

 "Non Jordanians would have to excuse me for the many brackets, in which I wrote the exact words said by the taxi driver in his Bedouin accent. I have tried translating these words, but often, the humor is lost in translation:-) "

Me:    I would like to go to Shmesani please.
Him:   NO NO NO no no no there I can't go,too much traffic!
Me:   (being really desperate on a hot Thursday afternoon):I am going  somewhere close to Wadi Saqra ,that won't get you anywhere near the traffic.
Him:   Are you sure?
Me:    Yes,I will show you which roads to go.

30 seconds of silence:
Him:  (seeing two Philippinas walking in the street):(yegta3ken w yegta3 sharken,kharabten bait el balad)May you all be gone with your evil,you have destroyed the country. 

 

Me:      silence

Him:    You know ,just the other day this philipino girl gets into my car and starts explaining her troubles to me,you know me,being a bedouin ,I had to stand by her(tirafi 7inna el bado n7ibb el nakhwa).You know how us,bedouins are very chivalrous and like to help .

Me:     Uh hum(he was starting to have my attention then)

Him:    She asked me if I had a mobile and I gave her my number,"winnha" she calls me at 12 at night to complain to me that her employer is treating her badly , not paying her and abusing her so I decided to show him a piece of my mind.(golt hassa ba7ki ma3o w bawrjeeh).I called him up,he turned out to be an Egyptian doctor who seems to be a wise and reasonable man,and she turned out to be a big liar,and was about to drag me into trouble,so I called her and asked her never to call me again,ever.

Me:     To the left ,please.

Him:    Well anyways this doesn't mean that arab girls are better,either,excuse my saying so..

Me:     How come?(I sensed a juicy story coming up now)

Him:   The other day this girl stopped me in Sahab.(Labseh cubboy,w natharat kbar)wearing Jeans and big glasses.I was enjoying listening to Mhammad Abdo's el Amaken,and she asked me if I have a Quran tape..(winnha waghwashetny bihal 6alab),she messed my mind with her request.I did have a Quran tape,and I put it on but still something was telling me that her looks did not go along with her request.(golt el shakel ma ho mashi ma3 e66alab,golt khallini akhtibirha.)So I decided to quiz her.She sounded like she was north African ,and I asked her to recite a verse of the Quran.I told her:"us people of the Sham area,we recite  Quran in the same way,what about you Berbers?"see what I told her berber..I wanted her to to know that I know she's either Tunisian or Morroccan.And she didn't know any verses.I decided not to be mean and give her another chance so I asked her how we pray salat el fajr,(dawn prayer),and she did not know either.When we arrived to the Jordan University she insisted not to pay me more than 3 jds although the bill was more than than 4.50.We fought in the street and I wanted to take her to the police station when all of a sudden I lost her and couldn't find her among all those people.You know if I see her again,I would set up an awful accusation against her and throw her in jail.(wallahi lagool 3anha ajat w ma3aha ethnain klashinkofat widha tbee3ni iyahom..)I would claim she was trying to sell me 2 klashinkoffs .

Me:     Ah!why would you do such a thing over one and a half dinars?

Him:   (wallahi ma ho 3al masari,ana el taxi molik bidakhilli 900 dinar fil shaher,w 3indi arathi w bioot ,bass 3ashan amarmegh khshoomha bil arth)Honestly this is not about money,I own the taxi myself,my income is 900 dinars and I own lands and houses,but I wanted to show her that she can't fool me.

Me:    7aram 3alaik,that's such a big accusation.(you see he's an oldish harmless man,and I felt it's ok to be conducting long conversations with him.)

Him:   No ,some people need to be treated like that.Let me tell you a story(like he hasn't already told me a bunch)I used to work in a governmental establishment, and there was this girl (khshoomha bissama)full of herself.A colleague asked for her hand in marriage,and she refused,(fa dafa3 la zabbal az3ar 3ashan yo6lob eedha)he paid a garbage collector to ask for her hand in marriage in front of all the colleagues.(sorry but I don't know how to translate az3ar)w nazzal khshoomha bil arth.) This way he deflated her ego!

 

I gave out a small giggle

 

Him:  You like that story don't you?

At that point we'd already arrived where I was heading.My husband was waiting for me in the street.He saw me laughing and wondered: you seem to have enjoyed the ride?

Me: I did,indeed I did!

July 2006